Is your marriage in trouble due to
affairs, porn, or other behaviors related to sex addiction?
If so, then you’re in the right place.
If you have experienced the trauma of infidelity, don’t feel alone. Statistics show over 70-80% of married couples struggle with this issue sometime during the course of their marriage. Our counseling center specializes in couples recovery counseling.
Whether you call it cheating, having an affair, adultery, infidelity, or breaking your marital vows, it profoundly hurts people in committed relationships. It is the single most hurtful and destructive thing that can occur in a marriage where monogamy is the stated goal. Because it is so devastating, it is quite often not handled very constructively in relationships. Infidelity does not have to mean an end to the relationship. In some cases, however, people may make that choice because they don’t know what the options are. And in some cases, the best option may be to end the relationship [e.g., where there are multiple affairs, no genuine remorse or plans for recovery] But for an overwhelming majority of cases of infidelity, not only can the relationship be saved but it can evolve into a stronger and more resilient and even more intimate relationship than before. However, this often requires some skillful facilitation from a therapist specifically trained in dealing with issues after infidelity occurs.
Front Range Counseling Center (FRCC) offers structured support to couples affected by sexual addiction. Couples counseling is available to those wishing information, direction and help. Couples treatment is available to all regardless of the current status of the relationship.
Couples coping with sexual addiction have a wide range of serious issues to address. Whether negotiating, remaining together, or managing a process of separation, every couple dealing with sexual addiction needs support, direction and education. At FRCC, we are familiar with couples having to cope with all of these concerns placed against a background of embarrassing and shameful sexual issues. We can help by offering confidential, personal couples therapy with sessions designed to educate, provide direction and structured support.
After the discovery of an extramarital affair or other unfaithful/betrayal behaviors, your relationship can feel crazy. For the betrayed partner, it can feel like everything he/she had believed is now false. The person he/she thought could counted on has betrayed his/her trust. The betrayed partner becomes enraged and yet also feels disturbed by self-accusations about what he/she did wrong to “cause” the betrayal.
For the one who has done the betrayal, he/she may be relieved that it’s out but also feel tremendous guilt about hurting the one he/she loves. If this is you, you may be wondering if your spouse/partner can ever move beyond this or will it always be something held over you. You probably do not know what to do about the intensity of your partner’s anger, particularly when it keeps coming up over and over again.
Relationship counseling at this point can often be helpful when attempting to resolve your relationship.
What happens during Couples Recovery counseling?
In our couples recovery program, the couples go through an affair recovery process called, “Torn Asunder” created by Dave Carder. This process is extremely thorough and complete. The first four sessions are designed to understand what caused the marriage to deteriorate. The remaining
sessions are devoted to building a healthy and meaningful marriage. Couples that go through this process usually understand the “why” of the marital affair, realize how their marriage was vulnerable to the affair, and learn how to build a healthy, faithful marriage. There is hope for
marriages that have suffered from an affair. Marriages can survive and thrive that were once crippled by one or multiple affairs.
Goals for Couples Recovery Counseling:
- Stop the compulsive behavior, affair, etc.. First, if a partner was in an affair, the affair must be over. This includes any and all interaction and communication with the lover, prostitute, or behavior. True reinvestment in your marriage can’t happen without this.
- Establish accountability. If you’ve had an affair, struggled with porn, or compulsive with prostitutes, the partner must take responsibility for his/her actions and be in his/her own recovery (individual counseling, group counseling, 12-step group, etc.).
- Determine shared goal. Be sure you both agree that you want to heal and reconcile your marriage – but don’t make this decision in the heat of powerful emotions. It may take some time to sort out what’s happened and to see if your relationship can heal. If you both arrive at the goal of reconciliation, it’s important to realize that recovering the marriage will take time, energy and commitment.
- Identify the issues. Infidelity often points to underlying problems in your marriage. Examine your relationship to understand what has contributed to the affair, and what you need to do to prevent it from happening again.
- Restore the trust. Make a serious commitment to rebuilding your marriage. Go to counseling together to help visibly confirm the commitment and to prevent secrecy from continuing to erode your relationship.
- Talk about it. Once the initial shock is over, discuss what happened openly and honestly – no matter how difficult talking or hearing about this may be. Know that you might need the help of a marital therapist to be able to talk constructively about it.
- Give it time. If you were the one cheated on, you can set the timetable for recovery. Often the person who’s been unfaithful is anxious to “put all of this behind us” to help cope with his or her guilt. Allow each other enough time to understand and heal.
- Forgive. For many people, this is the hardest part of recovering from an affair. Forgiveness isn’t likely to come quickly or easily – it may be a lifelong process. Talk to a counselor or spiritual advisor about what forgiveness really means. Don’t use forgiveness to cover uncomfortable issues that you think are too hard to face. If you’re committed to your partner and your marriage, forgiveness tends to become easier over time.
- Recommit to your future. What you’re going through is emotionally devastating. But times like this can make people and marriages stronger than ever before.
Signs of healing and recovery. 1) The marriage is stronger and is couple-centered rather than child-centered. 2) The vulnerabilities for infidelity are understood and addressed as they occur. 3) The couple has developed trust, commitment, mutual empathy and shared responsibility for change.
Not every marriage touched by infidelity can or should be saved. Sometimes too much damage has been done, or both partners aren’t committed. Painful as it is, it’s important to acknowledge when this is the case. But if both of you are committed to rebuilding your relationship and you have the strength and determination for the task, the rewards can be great – a partnership that grows in depth, honesty and intimacy.
If you are wanting help with your relationship, our counseling center specializes in helping couples hurting due to sexual addiction and/or betrayal. There are two ways to setup an appointment with one of our counselors: 1) Fill out the Contact Form and a counselor will call you with 24-hours; 2) Call our offices at 303-933-5800.