Sex Addicts Core Belief: Shame
The first Sex Addict Core Belief is: “I am basically a bad and unworthy person.” This belief is the same for both the Sex Addict and the Spouse of the Sex Addict. Essentially this is the shame that comes from a childhood of neglect, rejection, abuse, and abandonment. For there to be any possibility of relationship closeness or intimacy, a positive sense of self must be present. The rejection of the self makes nurturing and intimacy impossible.
Sex Addict Core Belief: I am Unworthy
For addicts who see themselves as “unworthy” live in a secret world where fantasy and obsession blocks pain and loneliness and they are not accountable to anyone. The addict keeps his/her inner world away from others and only the addict know the whole truth. Every effort to stop or quit the addiction and the eventually failure, leads adds to the addict’s sense of hopelessness. Yet on the outside of the addict, no one knows the addict’s obsessions and the addict maintains an illusionary sense of control and having it all together. Even to those close to the addict doesn’t know the full extent of his/her out-of-control world.
Recovery Heals Shame
When the addict begins to work recovery, the First Step is to finally admit to being powerless over the addiction and that he/she cannot manage the addiction any longer. This admission destroys the cover of secrecy, discover that other sex addicts share a common struggle, and the shame begins to lose its power. Connecting with other recovering sex addicts allows for the realization that their addiction (including the destructive belief system) was more powerful than they were. That they need to expose the secrets, share the truth, and reach out to others in recovery to come out of isolation. Instead of trying to fix the addiction on their own, the sex addict must admit to others that they need help and then be willing to receive it.
Admitting Powerlessness Leads To Freedome
There is a power of freedom when the admission of powerlessness occurs in the presence of the recovery sex addict who share the same problem. The Sex Addict learns that admission is less frightening when done in a group of those who are committed to accepting. The honesty of other recovering sex addicts reinforces honesty. The Sex Addict will receive insights to a better way of living and coping. Overtime, the sex addict will have a new core belief that he/she is not a bad person and he/she is truly worthy of being loved. The addiction is an illness that was destroying his/her life.
In declaring the unmanageability of the addiction, addicts are able to recognize how their actions and “best” thinking were destroying themselves and those around them. The First Step redirects the addicts on a path of reclaiming reality and encourages them to commit to a program that can bring healing.
Sexual Addiction Counseling Helps
If you are struggling with sexual addiction behaviors or pornography addictive behaviors, please don’t wait another day to get help! Please contact our counseling center today to setup a counseling session with a trained sexual addiction therapist. We also have counselors that specialize in helping the